Scenes of America

Sunday, March 18, 2012

American women. 

         When we look at relationships between American women and American men we have to give credit to the advancements that have come about. American's are ambitious and always want to improve on the status quo and relationship issues are no exception. There have been many books and articles released based on studies by prominent doctors and universities. These books have taught many Americans to understand communications between a man and a women much better. While I discounted these books in my story about Russian women and relationships, I have to give credit where credit is due. The scientific breakdown of how women and men become attracted to each other, and how they perceive the world, has helped each sex understand each other. I think these books may have some bias to them but none the less they have accurately broken down the makeup of men and women. I still believe that people should rely on their basic instincts when selecting a mate. Books can help couples get over some bumps, but they shouldn't be a step by step manual on how to find or be a good partner. 

        American women have revolutionized the way women are perceived today. They have overcome oppression from many centuries of tradition that dictated women be treated as less than human. The fight to reach such a goal comes with some cost though, a learning curve for men and women to redefine relationships. The relationship between a man and woman in America has changed. More and more women are becoming independent, which has been the most important step in leveling the playing field between the sexes. If one sex feels they have to put up with a condition or situation they don’t like in exchange for security, it puts them in a vulnerable position. They will inevitably stay in an unhealthy relationship because they feel they have no options. In contrast to relationships with Russian women, the American situation is much better. In Russia the man has to think of the woman as a child who needs to have boundaries set. From what I observed this is deeply ingrained in their culture. As strong as Russian women are in other aspects of the relationship, they look to the man to make decisions and say how much is too much. The man thinks his role is to set boundaries to control spending, time allocation, or even flirting; Russian women love to flirt.

       Many couples in Russia haven’t learned to get to the root of a disagreement the way American couples have, so control is usually turned over to the man. In Russia and Eastern Europe traditional thinking seems to be perpetuated from generation to generation. American couples have come to better understand each other because they learned to use tools like role reversal. We can now put things in better perspective as far as what is really important in a relationship and what is superfluous. Couples are much more in control of their anger because of increased understanding of what their partner is feeling, and that's really the key isn't it? Understanding where someone else is coming from. Anyone who has taken a Stephen R. Covey class knows we should, "seek first to understand". This is not as apparent in Russia from what I have seen. The communication breakdown between couples, and most Russians for that matter, is alive and doing well. 

The Independent Woman

         As American women continue to gain their independence it makes life easier and more productive from a practical standpoint. Women are increasingly taking on tasks that were typically the role of a man and men are doing the same. How many stay at home dads do you know? I know quite a few, and I even have experience in this area myself. I don't have kids but I was a nanny, or should I say "manny" for about 18 months for a friend of mine during a transition period in my life. It's more work than any job I ever had. In a relationship this kind of flexibility is important because it helps families cope. If there are two potential incomes for a household you have a better chance of surviving. Of course our genius American marketers for big retail know that family income has increased, because most families are dual income, so prices have steadily risen to meet what people can afford. It's always about what the market will bear isn't it? Ok, back on track here. When comparing Russian women to American women we have to consider more than just how feminine a woman can be. I think there are plenty of women in America who would be happy to stay at home with the kids and keep the household running. The difference I see between the two is how  the women carry themselves. Whether the woman is the stay at home type or the career woman, they have become more casual in general, as have men. Some men like when women are weak and need to be cared for and other men like women that are strong and can keep up with them. You know, someone who can be a lover and a buddy. The point I want to make is men should be free to be with which ever type they like without being chastised for it. In America there was a trend for a while where women who wanted to be domestic goddesses were looked down on by women who are more business oriented. We are not a one size fits all country, but still there are those who try to push their agenda as if it is. Part of the problem in America is special interest groups get into a position of power and start to take advantage of people and the system. How are they being any different than the government they are trying to change? If it's wrong for the government control how we live, then it's wrong for special interest groups. 

American Culture

         Does America even have something we can call a culture? America has been the innovator of the world in many ways but who gets credit for that? America is made up of people from many other countries with the exception of North American Indians. When I have mentioned tradition in my other posts it's really meant to be a relative term. It refers to the traditions of my generation and my parents generations that have touched me in some way. It does not refer to any medieval way of thinking, or at least that's not my intention. America is a fast paced continually changing culture. I don't think you could really pin one trait to our culture that can be considered American. We don't even have an official national language.  English is the de facto language in America not the official one.  Sure, we have baseball, hotdogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet as our all American theme, but one could argue the origin of those pastimes. America may have a reputation for being hardened and all business-like according to people abroad, but it's still the most sought after country people try to move to.